Drunk, Drunk, and More Drunk
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: Maureen and Roger get into a drinking contest. Who will be victorius? oneshot, happyhappy funtime!


"A typical night at the loft unfolds around us as Collins's idea of earlier goes into affect. Maureen and Roger sit opposite each other, several empty bottles littering the small table. They both weave slightly, having just consumed more than half of what those bottles contained. Angel, Mimi, Collins, and Joanne cheer their respective champions on, trying to coax one of them to victory."

"Mark, shut up and get over here before you miss Roger falling off his chair. I want you to get _that_ on film." Collins beckoned Mark over, grinning. The game of shots had been going on for more than half an hour, and the two contestants were probably more drunk than they had ever been in their lives. Maureen was cross-eyed, her arms crossed loosely in front of her. She was waiting for Mimi to refill her glass. Roger was swaying back and forth, looking like he had swallowed a goldfish. In front of him sat a much-used shot glass. Its twin was just being filled generously by Mimi.

"Honey bear, just take it easy and you can do it," urged Joanne, who was hovering over Maureen. She and Collins had been appointed Maureen's cheering section, while Mimi and Angel were in charge of Roger. Slowly but surely, Maureen raised the glass to her lips and glugged down the drink, consuming the entire thing in one go. Joanne and Collins cheered and slapped hands, while Mimi and Angel began urging Roger to do the next one. Mark stood by, trying to not jiggle the camera as he laughed. He calmed down and went to stand beside Roger, who was almost drooling.

"So this is what, the thirtieth shot?" Mark whispered to Angel, who was watching Mimi pour booze into Roger's glass.

Angel shrugged and whispered back, "I lost track a while ago. I've never seen _anyone _drink this much. Collins is keeping score, and if Roger gets this they're in a tie. It's sudden death." She whistled the _Jaws_ theme, and Mark laughed. In front of them, Roger drained the shot glass, nearly smashing it into his nose as he did so. With some help from Mimi he got it back onto the table.

"Yer goin' down," slurred Maureen, her head wobbling dangerously. Joanne and Collins cheered as she drank the glass Mimi had just filled. Back and forth it went, until they were both so drunk that Roger's tongue hung out and Maureen swayed about two feet from side to side. Amazingly, neither had passed out yet.

"Dear god, they'll kill themselves," mused Joanne, casually pouring a shot for each. She had taken over Mimi's job when Mimi's hand began to cramp from holding the bottle so long. By now, they had reached the point where both Maureen and Roger drank at the same time. The first one down won.

"Hold on now. This is more booze than I've ever seen anyone take at once," Collins said, "and I should know. One of them is going down right now. This is the decider." Everyone clustered around eagerly, ready for victory. Mark filmed steadily, murmuring under his breath.

Roger, glaring at a space of air three feet to the left of Collins's arm, took his glass in one hand, tipping and weaving crazily. Maureen grabbed hers and swigged it back clumsily, spilling some on the floor. Everyone waited to see if she would go down. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, but then she belched and blinked angrily. Collins whooped.

"C'mon, baby, you can do it!" coaxed Mimi as Roger brought the wobbling shot glass to his lips. He tipped the liquid back and swallowed it all. They all watched with baited breath.

Roger swayed back and forth, a small, lopsided grin on his face. Then, with a mushy-sounding cry of, "Save de finger-peaches!" he sprawled onto the ground, snoring.

"Whoo! Yeah, go Mo!" screaming Collins, doing a strange, wild dance. Joanne kissed Maureen's check and then moved away hastily, wary of her breath. She joined Collins in his dancing, and started to jeer at Mimi, who was pouting. Angel only laughed, strode over to Maureen, and pulled her arm into the air. "The winner!"

"Heh heh heh…I love my monkey," slurred Maureen, sticking her tongue out. Mark filmed as Angel planted a foot on the passed-out Roger and cried, "The defeated hero!" Mimi, rolling her eyes and grinning, crouched down and hoisted Roger up, one of his arms over her shoulders. "Guys…little help?"

Angel got under Roger's other arm and helped carry him to his room, laughing and shaking her head. Collins and Joanne were still dancing and cheering, anything from "Woohoo!" to "Our team is BOOM, dynamite! Our team is BOOM, dynamite! Our team is tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, BOOM, dynamite!" Maureen was grinning and staring at her shot glass as though it was the answer to her prayers. Mark sighed, laughed, and kept filming. This night was _definitely_ a night to remember. Not to mention the morning, when they could all make fun of Maureen and Roger for the atrociously unbearable hangovers they would have.


End file.
